Help Wanted

To this day, I can’t believe I got hired for this job. Twice. Working Title:                 Child Development Administrative Partner (aka “Dad”) Position Number:            2 Position Status:                Never-Ending Work Schedule:               On-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year Purpose of Postion: To successfully raise a healthy, self affirmed individual of gender tbd, in an effort to insure self-sufficiency and removal of the grown child from … Continue reading Help Wanted

Advice I Wish I Had Gotten

Well, hello there!  Feeling a little TIRED, are we?  Maybe a little RUN DOWN?  Surely, it couldn’t have ANYTHING to do with that wondrous little miracle that the hospital made you bring home without the courtesy of providing any care instructions!  After all, taking care of a new, incredibly fragile human being can’t possible be any harder than driving, can it?  I mean, you have to have … Continue reading Advice I Wish I Had Gotten

The Grammanati

I’ve noticed something a bit curious about the interactions between my mother and children. Every time Granny Awesome keeps the boys overnight, we always have a quick de-briefing to see when and if she’ll ever watch them again. The response I get is always the same: “Oh, they were sweet little angels. They slept all night, didn’t give me any problems with eating. They were just … Continue reading The Grammanati

Lawyered

  “Here come da judge…here come da judge….” Everyone goes on and on about “the terrible twos”.  Weary parents the world over have bemoaned how terrible life becomes once the small ones move past the “cute, unable to escape you” phase to the point that it has become a cliché.  This might be surprising to hear from the guy constantly going on about the challenges of parenting, … Continue reading Lawyered

Profiles in Disorder: Mama Angel

They say that behind every powerful man, there is a stronger woman guiding and supporting him. Fortunately in my case, this also holds true for overgrown, neurotic man-children. Please join me as I at long last pull the curtain and reveal the magnificence of she who is my wife, mother of my children, and head administrator of our homey little asylum…. MAMA ANGEL: Aliases: Princess … Continue reading Profiles in Disorder: Mama Angel

I Know Where The Little Socks Go

  I have to make this quick.  I’m being watched. Last week, as part of a “staycation” I was taking to mourn my 40th birthday, I attempted to tackle a few household chores.  Anyone with small children can tell you that trying to keep the house straightened up is a full-time job in and of itself, mostly due to the fact that said little ones … Continue reading I Know Where The Little Socks Go

Stop Hitting Yourself

  It’s one of the oldest games in the book , “Stop Hitting Yourself”.  For anyone who isn’t familiar (ie: didn’t grow up with brothers or sisters) it’s fairly basic.  You take the hand of your significantly weaker sibling, and then proceed to force them to smack themselves in the face with said hand until such time as the victim’s screaming alerts your parents to the … Continue reading Stop Hitting Yourself