Oh, look at you, you magnificent tool. I don’t even know where to start. Are you drunk in this picture? You have to be drunk. Tell me you’re drunk, ’cause I’m having a hard enough time believing that I’m going to turn out like this. Oh, and one question – WHERE THE HELL IS OUR HAIR?? What on God’s earth possessed you to do that … Continue reading Hey, Old Man!
Parenting can be a thankless job. Sure we get Mother’s and Father’s Days, and every once in a while they’ll make us some little craft or art project out of the blue, but for the most part parenting is a one-way street. We raise them, care for them, provide for them, and they go on about their lives never questioning the golden parachute that is … Continue reading Payback or What I Want From My Kids
To this day, I can’t believe I got hired for this job. Twice. Working Title: Child Development Administrative Partner (aka “Dad”) Position Number: 2 Position Status: Never-Ending Work Schedule: On-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year Purpose of Postion: To successfully raise a healthy, self affirmed individual of gender tbd, in an effort to insure self-sufficiency and removal of the grown child from … Continue reading Help Wanted
Well, hello there! Feeling a little TIRED, are we? Maybe a little RUN DOWN? Surely, it couldn’t have ANYTHING to do with that wondrous little miracle that the hospital made you bring home without the courtesy of providing any care instructions! After all, taking care of a new, incredibly fragile human being can’t possible be any harder than driving, can it? I mean, you have to have … Continue reading Advice I Wish I Had Gotten
I’ve noticed something a bit curious about the interactions between my mother and children. Every time Granny Awesome keeps the boys overnight, we always have a quick de-briefing to see when and if she’ll ever watch them again. The response I get is always the same: “Oh, they were sweet little angels. They slept all night, didn’t give me any problems with eating. They were just … Continue reading The Grammanati
“Here come da judge…here come da judge….” Everyone goes on and on about “the terrible twos”. Weary parents the world over have bemoaned how terrible life becomes once the small ones move past the “cute, unable to escape you” phase to the point that it has become a cliché. This might be surprising to hear from the guy constantly going on about the challenges of parenting, … Continue reading Lawyered
So you may find it a bit confusing to come across a post about mothers on a blog about fatherhood. The first thing to keep in mind is that, as we all know, there would obviously be no fathers without mothers to begin with. The second is that this is my blog and I can do whatever I want. Nyah. In all seriousness, there’s been … Continue reading This One’s for the Moms