I Am The Law?

The children have started to show their asses. During those first few years, a lot of the disciplinary issues we ran into were due more to a lack of understanding on our little angels’ parts than anything else.  The children didn’t understand that the walls of our home weren’t blank canvases to create upon with their un-washable markers.  They didn’t understand that grabbing something right out of someone’s … Continue reading I Am The Law?

Destroying Childhoods or Ruining What My Kids Make Me Watch

I think something inside me has finally broken. My beloved wife likes to joke (at least I think she’s joking) that I spoil everything.  This usually comes up in response to my habit of watching TV or movies with what I would refer to as an analytical eye. She just calls it pooping on everything. I can’t help myself.  I watch something and I immediately … Continue reading Destroying Childhoods or Ruining What My Kids Make Me Watch

Why God Made the Children Cute

Let’s get real for a moment. What would you do if someone did this to you? What about this? This? HOW ABOUT THIS?? I’ll tell you what you’d do – you’d call the cops, call an exorcist, or mete out violent retribution with your own two thirsty-for-blood fists. Unless, of course, those responsible happened to look like this:   I have suffered each of these … Continue reading Why God Made the Children Cute

Five Ways My Kids Are Going To Get Me Killed in the Zombie Apocalypse

In the post-apocalyptic world, children are a death sentence. “Wait”, you say shaking your head in confusion, “won’t children become even more important after the apocalypse?  Won’t we need them to propagate the species?”. Nice thought, but the truth is just the reverse.  Look at the average behavior of any child under the age of six and it won’t take long for you to figure … Continue reading Five Ways My Kids Are Going To Get Me Killed in the Zombie Apocalypse