Oh, look at you, you magnificent tool. I don’t even know where to start. Are you drunk in this picture? You have to be drunk. Tell me you’re drunk, ’cause I’m having a hard enough time believing that I’m going to turn out like this. Oh, and one question – WHERE THE HELL IS OUR HAIR?? What on God’s earth possessed you to do that … Continue reading Hey, Old Man!
Parenting can be a thankless job. Sure we get Mother’s and Father’s Days, and every once in a while they’ll make us some little craft or art project out of the blue, but for the most part parenting is a one-way street. We raise them, care for them, provide for them, and they go on about their lives never questioning the golden parachute that is … Continue reading Payback or What I Want From My Kids
“They say he has autism.” I didn’t go with my wife to the appointment with the developmental pediatrician that day. I had taken a couple sick days not too long before then, and I didn’t think it would be prudent to take another off. I remember telling her I wasn’t worried about what we were going to hear. “He’s just a little behind”, I had … Continue reading Common Terms
I know it’s hard When you can’t find the words to say. But the truth, my darling boy, Is that you speak volumes in your own special way. With a laugh, with a smile,… With a dance to your own happy beat, You show us all a life that couldn’t be more sweet. And even on the days when it’s hard, When you can’t get anyone … Continue reading To My Boy on His 5th Birthday
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, Mommy and Daddy begged for these: 12 Hours for sleeping, 11 Maids-a-cleaning, 10 Amazon Prime orders shipping, 9 Grown-up-movie viewings, 8 Adult beverages chilling 7 Days of no screaming, 6 Chefs to do the cooking, 5 More days off 4 Filled-up flasks 3 Bottles of aspirin 2 Contented kids And an offer to keep them tonight from Grammyyyyyy!! Happy Holidays, Everyone! Continue reading The Twelve Days of Craziness
Last week my lovely wife was able to score some free tickets to go see a Nirvana cover band through her work. She could hardly suppress her glee, being a huge fan of Mr. Cobain’s little garage band that could. I was instructed to arrange for babysitting service, provide her one of the many cherished flannel shirts I had held onto since high school, and prepare to “get our … Continue reading Smells Like Middle-Aged Spirit
Footloose’s Naptime January 2012 – August 2016 Footloose’s nap time (aka “Nap-Nap”, “Sleepy-Time”, “The Most Important Time of the Day”) left this world on Sunday August 7th, 2016, despite extreme measures being taken to preserve its life. Cause of death was repeated objections, constant hopping out of bed, and refusal on the part of Footloose himself to calm his mind and go the f*&k to sleep. It has been suggested … Continue reading Nap-Nap Go Bye-Bye