On today’s episode of “We Could Have Just Been Pet People”… Last night, as I was getting ready to head out to a parent/teacher conference for his big brother, SOMEONE (having decided his father didn’t have nearly enough stress in his life) SHOVED A DAMN LEGO UP HIS NOSTRIL. Not just a little bit up in there, either. DAMN NEAR UP TO THE SEPTUM. Now … Continue reading LEGOS Up The Nose, Or We Could Have Just Been Pet People
“How can you bring children into a world where things like this happen?” Because of them. The heroes who revealed themselves on September 11, 2001. The first responders who ran in headfirst to save those that could be saved. Far too many innocent lives were lost that day. How many more would have been if not for those men and women? I can honestly look … Continue reading The Heroes Our Kids Deserve
There are things that give me more anxiety than the start of a new school year. Acid rain. Nuclear winter. The off-chance one of the boys will discover “Caillou” on one of our streaming services. Yes, there are things that I agonize over more that the start of school. Not many, though. When you have small kids, it’s only natural to be a little nervous … Continue reading School Daze
DISCLAIMER: It’s not that I’ve been the victim of parent shaming, per se. It’s more that I’ve just had enough of parents being ugly to each other. Before we even get started, why yes – yes I do kiss my kids with this mouth. If you’re feeling a bit defensive after reading this title, it may be because you often find yourself dispensing what you … Continue reading To All Those Unmitigated, Parent-Shaming Douche Nozzles
The children have started to show their asses. During those first few years, a lot of the disciplinary issues we ran into were due more to a lack of understanding on our little angels’ parts than anything else. The children didn’t understand that the walls of our home weren’t blank canvases to create upon with their un-washable markers. They didn’t understand that grabbing something right out of someone’s … Continue reading I Am The Law?
Sometimes it feels like we’re raising our boy under a ticking clock. To some degree, every parent feels that way. We tend to judge ourselves by how quickly our kids reach certain milestones. The points at which our children start to walk, talk, read, etc. tend to set the standard by which we judge their progress, along with our own. It’s no different when you’re parenting a child … Continue reading The Ticking Clock
What have I learned in six years of fatherhood? That a good portion of parenting appears to consist of screwing up, doing your best to make sure your kids don’t see you screwing up, and praying that you do better the next time you think you’re about to screw up. I still find it mystifying that video games come with instruction guides but children don’t. … Continue reading I Screw Up A Lot