January 2012 – August 2016
Footloose’s nap time (aka “Nap-Nap”, “Sleepy-Time”, “The Most Important Time of the Day”) left this world on Sunday August 7th, 2016, despite extreme measures being taken to preserve its life. Cause of death was repeated objections, constant hopping out of bed, and refusal on the part of Footloose himself to calm his mind and go the f*&k to sleep. It has been suggested that at four years of age Footloose has simply outgrown the practice. His parents (the grieving Papa Cheeks and Mama Angel) remain unconvinced.
In life, Nap-Nap proved instrumental in maintaining the sanity and well-being of the parents. It provided a window of time for them to enjoy that most precious of parental commodities: peace. It also allowed them the time to address daily activities that were often postponed or skipped over during Footloose’s waking hours, such as housekeeping, paying bills, feeding themselves, showering, laundry, using the bathroom, watching programs that were not child-friendly, catching up on their own neglected sleep, etc.
It is impossible to measure the importance of Nap-Nap to the family in just a few words. It was a best friend offering solace, comfort, and a calming influence at times when it seemed as if the heads of the parents were going to twist 360 degrees and explode right off. “You take these things for granted”, remarked an inconsolable Papa Cheeks, “NEVER TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED! CHERISH EVERY NAP AS IF IT WERE YOUR CHILD’S LAST! BECAUSE IT COULD BE!! HE’S NEVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN!! WE’RE NEVER GOING TO SLEEP AGAIN!!” he railed, sobbing, as Mama Angel stood by silently and rolled her eyes.
Nap-Nap is survived by its brother, Roundbottom’s Nap-Time (aka “No Go Nap!!” and “WAAAHHHH!!”).
A candlelight vigil will be held every afternoon between one and three for the foreseeable future. In lieu of flowers, the family has asked for donations to the “Mommy and Daddy Need a Drink” Fund.